


Selfish

by shamelessllamapeanutthing



Series: Izzah's wolfstarbingoficlets [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Death, Ficlet, Hurt No Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:54:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27917083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shamelessllamapeanutthing/pseuds/shamelessllamapeanutthing
Summary: Remus thinks it’s only fair, Padfoot had proclaimed he’d love Moony till death on multiple occasions. He had never specified who’s death.Moony thinks its better that its his own. Padfoot always did say Remus should be a little more selfish.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Izzah's wolfstarbingoficlets [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2044234
Comments: 7
Kudos: 23
Collections: Wolfstar Bingo 2020





	Selfish

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt- Death  
> First fic for WolfStar :)

Voices rage on around Remus, loud, insistent. Eloquent even, he supposes. He can’t understand what they say.

Remus knows why.

… because no words are being said.

There’s no one around, no one reaching a hand out or trying to open the door against which he is so painfully crushed. He can’t bring himself to move his legs. He can’t bring himself to turn his head. He can’t bring himself to so much as kill the blaring horns or the flashing headlights.

They are going to be of no use, he knows. He is in the middle of nowhere, he knows. He’d be incredibly lucky if someone passes him by and Remus Lupin, according to his own track record, has something of a war going on with good fortune, as it is.

So he doesn’t try, and then suddenly huffs out a broken laugh when he remembers James had once said that he was good at adapting to the worst. His chest seems to cave in on itself even at the slight, scuffling movement and he winces, pressed against the steering wheel. Remus decides to show himself mercy, something Sirius always complains he needs to start doing, and refrain from moving his torso again.

Everything hurts, and Remus can do nothing but sit there with his eyes shut and _feel it,_ let the sensations roll over him. If he tries to open his eyes, the old, gnarly tree trunk will be all he sees anyway, and staring at wood while blood gushes out of him is not how he wants to go. 

With the only arm he still has some control over, Remus fumbles for his mobile phone, clutching the device in a shaking grip. He should be calling the ambulance.

… but he _knows._

He can tell.

Tears don’t come when he dials the number, purely by memory, intent on indulging his idle romanticism because he is never again gonna be able to. His body hurts too much for it to remember how to cry, it seems. So, he keeps his eyes closed, unlocking his phone and dialling Sirius’ number, purely by muscle memory.

When Sirius picks up on the second ring and cheerfully calls out his name, _that_ is when Remus starts crying.

“Hey, Padfoot.”, he keeps his tone even, never letting panic seep into his voice. His head is swimming faster now, and he finds it difficult to focus on Sirius’ voice.

“How long, still? You know how Prongslet can get over latecomers. Ever the disciplined, punctual Headgirl, even _years_ out of high school.” 

“Your voice is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard, way better than all the Def Leppard music I pretended to like to impress you back in middle school.”

Somewhere in the back of Remus’ mind he knows that’s an abrupt thing to say, and not even an answer to whatever Sirius must have originally said, but it’s true nevertheless. It’s not like he can remember what Sirius was saying, anyway.

“Um… thank you, Moony. Your own dulcet tones give tough competition, though I must admit.” 

Remus can hear the grin in Sirius’ voice, and it helps him draw a smile of his own. He thinks of the ring he had found hidden in Sirius’ side of the wardrobe just this morning, and how he had stashed it back in with flaming cheeks, determined to not let Sirius know his surprise had been ruined, and the smile collapses on itself. 

“Moony? You there?”

… and Remus forgets what he was thinking about a second ago. All he remembers is:

“I want to marry you, Padfoot. You’re the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I love you, I love you so much.”

If Remus’ brain was capable of retaining a thought for longer than a second, he would understand how cruel he is being right now.

“Moony… I-…”

“Listen to me, Padfoot, listen, you beautiful, talented, smart, crazy, beautiful, idiot. Beautiful…” Remus trails off to a deep chuckle on the other end.

“What is this about, Moony?”

“I want you to know I will never love anyone as much as I love you, never.”

“I love you too, Moony. I love you so much.”

Now, _that,_ is a truth Sirius has kissed into each inch of Remus’ skin over the years. _That_ is something he doesn’t have any trouble remembering.

“I was on my way,” It’s not a lie. “I just, I couldn’t wait to talk to you. I _couldn’t_ , Pads.”

“Hey, it’s fine. I am glad you called, and you’re being so sweet.” Remus registers a deep pain blooming in his side, intense and consuming and bites back a groan.

He imagines Sirius twirling a strand of his hair around his finger and grinning _that_ grin he grins when he’s flustered and trying to appear unbothered. He lets himself sink into the image. It makes everything a little better.

“But I have to say a part of me just wants you to hang up and focus on the road. You’ve rubbed off on me, you fucking worrywart.”

Even breathing is starting to feel like it’s tearing his chest apart now. He struggles to keep his words from slurring. He doesn’t have time. _He doesn’t have time._

“Don’t worry, baby. I am not going to get in an accident now. I just love you. I love you.”

“I love you, too Moony. So much.”

“Don’t stop talking, Pads.”

… because if Sirius keep talking, it doesn’t hurt as much. Remus thinks it’s only fair, Padfoot _had_ proclaimed he’d love Moony till death on multiple occasions. He had never specified _who’s_ death.

Moony thinks its better that its his own. Padfoot always did say Remus should be a little more selfish.

…

It’s not until morning that Remus Lupin’s body is discovered, stuck inside his toppled car which seemed to have crashed into a tree on the roadside, even though the missing person’ had been filed about an hour after the last phone call recorded on Remus Lupin’s phone.

Officials would have stood to blame for tardiness, if medical professionals hadn’t confirmed that they won’t have been able to save the man even if his body had been rushed into Emergency minutes after the horrific accident.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and lemme know what you thought???
> 
> Come scream at me about Harry Potter on [my Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/shamelessllamapeanutthing)


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